Bragging

Just a lil bragging to do from yesterday :-) first off I got a whole TWO DAYS off this weekend.... woohoo!!! (still doesnt make up for working xmas eve or xmas morning but whatever) So yesterday afternoon the hubs and I got to spend a long time playing with annabelle and getting some good therapy time in (since it was afternoon time and not the evening she wasnt tired and could do a lot more). Here is what we saw and heard her doing yesterday.
- grabbed a rattle with her left hand and put it toward her mouth.
- sat up all on her own for a prolonged period of time
- caught herself with her left hand as she started to tip over while sitting up


Puffs on the Nose!!!



- Grabbed her own puffs, mostly raking but twice she used a pincer grasp (may have been coincidentally but she did it twice) and got some right into her own mouth!!!



- NEW SOUNDS!!!!- gaga, kind of a caca and ::::drum roll::::: dada. Still no mama but I of course will take the dada. And she is going Mmmmmm when she eats solids (she's too funny). That was a great relief for me 'cause I had just been thinking over the past week how we had not had many new sounds in a while ::::sigh of relief::::

For our second day there is football to be watched, GO BILLS! xmas cookies to finish and more cuddling! I love full weekends off!

Work

I guess I'm still really dealing with some jealousy issues and dealing with the unknown of the future. I saw a beautiful 12mos old girl today for her well child check, she looks similar to Annabelle, very smiley and walking all over the place. She's also got a TON of words for a one year old and even more signs.... sigh. I love my baby and I am thrilled with everything she has done so far 'cause it's honestly more than I really expected but I know she's going to be slow to walk and talk (although I think she'll get there!) and it's particularly hard for me some days when "normal" is all up in my face... I mean it's my job to look over a kiddo, most of which are thankfully typical, and watch them and pick out the not so "normal". 

A few months ago when I was working in the emergency dept. I seriously considered dropping from my residency (one lil year left to go and $170,000 in school loans and yep I was gonna do it). One reason was all the "normal" I was seeing would bother me and then seeing all the "not so normal" and the kids who were severely delayed would bother me too... I would wonder if that is our future- feeding tubes, wheel chairs, splints, recurrent visits to the hospital; or perhaps something a bit milder? It also bugged me that there was never a shortage of "shunt kids" in with headaches, or vomiting or fevers. With them I would also wonder if all of that would be in our futures (and it's looking like it more and more unfortunately).

It's the unknown that drives me nuts. I know all the possibilities for where we could end up, some more likely than others, and I HATE not knowing. I have an information overload, I know too much. I sometimes wish I had gone into radiology or pathology or something like that where I would not know all the details of the stuff I know....ugh! In the end I obviously didn't drop out, that would be financially irresponsible, and as of today I've got 6 more months before I'm done :-) I know I still need to work on being happy just with what we end up with development-wise, it's just hard to that sometimes.